Intimate Confessions of a Chinese Courtesan (Review)
Intimate Confessions of a Chinese Courtesan
What is an admitted inspiration to the classic Asian trash film Naked Killer is a keen Shaw Brother’s epic, which is not your typical kung fu epic. This film has women empowered, killing men who have wronged them, a classic revenge flick. As I eat this stuff up, this is a perfect movie for me. It’s sprinkled with great fights, and plenty of naked women. There is even the lesbian theme pushed in, and the body count is piled to the ceiling and above. Since this inspired Naked Killer, which inspired Naked Weapon, we also get a living example of the theory that the third generation of dynasties ruin everything. The thought that such good movies inspired such garbage would be mind-boggling, except Hollywood does the same thing at least once a month with the latest “re-imagining” of classic movies or TV shows. Luckily, this is the generation one of the sexy killer lesbian kung fu movies, and it’s all good as gold!
Quick shot of a dead man who is found dead alone in his room, then we jump to FLASHBACK TIME! Ai Nu, our main character, is brought as a slave to the brothel run by Lady Chun, with many other slaves. Lady Chun is not very fond of men, and when the girls are checked for their virginity, and one is found to have lost hers three days prior. She won’t talk, but a candle to her vagina loosens her lips (not THOSE lips, though those lips aren’t in the best condition afterwards, either.) The man who took it has his heart ripped out by Lady Chun. This movie is off to a great start!
Training for the girls begins the next day. Ai Nu is impudent, belligerent, and strong headed. Lady Chun recognizes the men will go crazy over her immediately. Lady Chun also goes crazy for her, as you probably saw coming. Ai Nu’s virginity is auctioned off, and a crusty old guy wins, the other bidders get sloppy seconds, thirds, and fourths. After the collection of dirty, slimy, crusty, greasy old fossils have their way with her, Ai Nu tries to kill herself. Her attempt is thwarted by the local mute guy, who turns out to actually be able to talk. He tries to help her escape, but he is killed by the guards. Ai Nu agrees to become a good whore for Lady Chun so Ai Nu can live for revenge.
Back to the dead guy, he just happens to be one of the guys who bid on then violated Ai Nu. Chief Inspector Ji has no proof Ai Nu killed him, but suspects her. Lady Chun’s partner, a warrior master named Bao Hu, complains to her that Ai Nu will ruin them all. Lady Chun will hear none of this, as she is enamored with Ai Nu and in her view she can do no wrong. Ai Nu moves on to her next victim. Chief Ji bursts in to try to save him, but she is covered by the man liking bondage. When he’s tied to his bed, she starts a fire which kills him, while Chief Ji waits elsewhere in the man’s compound. Now Chief Ji is convinced she’s killing them, but has no proof, so cannot arrest her. That night, Ainu visits Chief Ji’s house and they have a swordfight in a snow-covered cemetery that has some very nice visuals. She tells him to back off, and even tells him who she will kill next, it’s the old guy who won the bidding.
Chief Ji tries to warn him, but he is the governor’s dad and refuses to believe Chief Ji. Ai Nu shows up with three more women, giving the “Four Winds” special. Governor’s Dad ends up dying of an aphrodisiac overdose after some sex scenes that are both beautiful for the women and disgusting for the creepy old man. The governor refuses to have Ainu arrested, because the scandal would destroy him. Now there is only one guy left to kill, he had been out of town for a few weeks while all the action went on. He is Kung Fu Master Li, and he is warned by Chief Ji. Master Li is not afraid. Ai Nu offers to strip to show she’s not carrying any weapons, but Master Li fails to account for her hairpin! He is killed, and Ai Nu fights her way through the police guard and comes across a slave caravan run by the people who sold her to Lady Chun. She starts killing them as well, and setting free some of the girls, all while yelling to Chief Ji explaining that she was enslaved and made an escort, and now kills for revenge.
Bao Hu has had enough of this nonsense, and tries to kill her, but Lady Chun is still head over heels in love and refuses to let him. She helps Ai Nu, who is now fighting all of the slavers and Bao Hu’s brothel guards. The end fight is a grand spectacle and last for a long enough time you don’t feel short changed. Some of the girls in the brothel are hunted down by the slavers and stabbed, until Ai Nu kills them. Lady Chun fights with Yin Yang Ghost Hands, while Bao Hu uses his Spine-Chilling Sword. Their fight is equally matched, and ends only when Lady Chun stabs her hand through Bao Hu, while he simultaneously severs her arm. He dies, and Lady Chun wants to know if Ai Nu will still love her while deformed. Ai Nu tells her she never loved her, and used her love as a weapon to destroy her. The then fight, but with a missing arm, Lady Chun is not much of a match. Ai Nu severs her other arm (she’s totally disarmed!) and grants her a last request before her death, a kiss. Now Ai Nu is the one who is trapped, as Lady Chun was chewing on a poison capsule, and some of the poison has gotten to Ai Nu, which will kill her as well. Where did this pill come from, as Lady Chun has no arms with which to put the pill in her mouth? Obviously, she’s that good of a martial artist. Ai Nu then follows Lady Chun into the afterlife.
THE END! as this is an older film, and it ends instantly instead of having a wrap up.
Good film, good fights, good women, good nudity, good revenge, good long flashback, good grief I liked this!
Rated 7/10 (Shaw Bros, aphrodisiac, carving, Governor, Loose lips sink ships, Master Li is not afraid, BOOBIES!!! )
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