Turkish Wizard of Oz
Turkish Wizard of Oz
aka Aysecik ve sihirli cüceler rüyalar ülkesinde aka Aysecik and the Bewitched Dwarfs in Dreamland
1971
Starring
Zeynep Degirmencioglu as Aysecik AKA Dorothy
Suleyman Turan as Korkulu AKA Scarecrow
Metin Serezli as Teneke Koruadam AKA Tin Woodman
Suna Selen as Kotu Cadi AKA Wicked Witch of the West
Ali Sen as Korkak Aslan AKA Cowardly Lion
Cemal Konca as The Great Wizard Keskin Zeka
Another Turkish remake??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This time, the land of Turks and Keys has brought us a remake of The Wizard of Oz, which is amazingly more faithful to the book at certain points than the big budget Hollywood version. It still manages to veer off into random directions, and is full of insane dancing, a gay scarecrow, and special effects that can be done better by three year olds. The previous Turkish filmsTurkish Exorcist, Turkish Spiderman, Turkish Star Trek, Turkish Star Wars, and Kilink Istanbul’da, have all been a barrel of laughs, horrors, and monkeys. Okay, no monkeys. No monkeys in here, either. Not even the winged variety. Sigh… This film continues the fine Turkish film tradition of making the audience say “What in the Hell?”
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The Mummy’s Kiss
The Mummy’s Kiss
2003
Starring
Mia Zottoli as Ramsay Amun/Hor-Shep-Sut
Sasha Peralto as Ana Harwa/Princess Hat-Em-Akhet
George Thomas as Professor Carter Moore
Aysia Lee as Tina Kim
Richard Lynch as Dr. Wallis Harwa
Arthur Roberts as Osiris
Katie Lohmann as Isis
Shhhh!!! Be very very quiet! We’re sneaking downstairs to catch a glimpse of late night TV, since we’re tired of going to bed early. Luckily Step-father is asleep on the couch, so we can change channels without much trouble. Let’s see what’s on the pay channels tonight…HBO has Out For A Kill, Showtime is playing a Queer as Folk marathon…what’s this? The Mummy’s Kiss? I liked the first two Mummy movies, let’s give this one a whirl. Hey….SHE’S NAKED! WHOA!
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Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: April Flowers, Arthur Roberts, Aysia Lee, Donald F. Glut, Egypt, George Thomas, hot mummy sex, Kaila Yu, Katie Lohmann, Lesbians, Mia Zottoli, Regina Russell, Richard Lynch, Sasha Peralto, softcore
The Art of War
The Art of War
2000
Starring
Wesley Snipes as Neil Shaw
Anne Archer as Eleanor Hooks
Maury Chaykin as Capella
Marie Matiko as Julia Fang
Michael Biehn as Robert Bly
Donald Sutherland as U.N. Secretary General Douglas Thomas
“Uniting valor as one is the way of command
When I first heard they were adapting Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, I was all “How are they gonna pull that off?” then it turned out that it was just a random action film. Random, except for Wesley Snipes! As Mr. Snipes has said before: “Always bet on black.”
Categories: Bad, Movies Tags: Anne Archer, Donald Sutherland, Marie Matiko, Maury Chaykin, Micael Biehn, Spies, Wesley Snipes
Nabonga
Nabonga
1944
Starring
Buster Crabbe as Ray Gorman
Julie London as Doreen Stockwell
Prince Modupe as Tobo
Ray Corrigan as Samson (or Nabonga, I guess)
Riding the wave of King Kong Klones (KKK? That ain’t good…), Nabonga succeeds in having the most ridiculous name of the bunch. Buster Crabbe of Tarzan and Flash Gordon fame returns to fight Ming the Merciless in the heat of the jungle for the future of Earth….wait? No Ming? No Rocket Ships? No fun. Stock footage and random gorilla attacks are a poor substitute. The lone bright spot for this movie is the character of Tobo, and he suffers from being a walking, talking, African tribalman stereotype. Still, he’s the only character you will care about in this film. The live action gorilla Nabonga can’t hold a candle to the stop motion magic that was King Kong. Heck, background extras from Planet of the Apes have better characterization than this gorilla. Wait a minute…Statue of Liberty? THAT WAS OUR PLANET!! You Maniacs! You blew it all up! Damn you! Damn you all to Hell!!
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Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: Buster Crabbe, Julie London, mad monkey time, Prince Modupe, Ray Corrigan, stock footage jungle adventures, white goddess
Dead Friend
Dead Friend
aka The Ghost aka Ryeong
2004
Starring
Kim Ha-neul as Min Ji-won
Nam Sang-mi as Su-in
Bin as Eun-seo
Shin Yi as Shin Mi-kyung
Asian horror grows ever popular, and it’s coming from all fronts, Japan, China, and South Korea (with some Thai thrown in for good measure.) The movies Ringu and Ju-on have helped forefront and onslaught of ghost films, many of them featuring creepy schoolgirls with long hair covering their face. I bring that up because you wouldn’t guess what the ghost here looks like….yep, gave it away. So what sets this film apart from the rest of the clones? What? Kim Ha-neul from Too Beautiful to Lie! Nam Sang-mi from Spygirl and Too Beautiful to Lie! Shin Yi from Sex is Zero! It’s a convention-fest-o-rama of cute Korean girls who’ve showed up here before! That’s almost enough to forgive the ghost rehash.
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Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: Bin, ghosts, Kim Ha-neul, Korea, long black haired ghosts, Nam Sang-mi, Yi Shin
