The Mummy’s Kiss
Mia Zottoli as Ramsay Amun/Hor-Shep-Sut
Sasha Peralto as Ana Harwa/Princess Hat-Em-Akhet
George Thomas as Professor Carter Moore
Aysia Lee as Tina Kim
Richard Lynch as Dr. Wallis Harwa
Arthur Roberts as Osiris
Katie Lohmann as Isis
Shhhh!!! Be very very quiet! We’re sneaking downstairs to catch a glimpse of late night TV, since we’re tired of going to bed early. Luckily Step-father is asleep on the couch, so we can change channels without much trouble. Let’s see what’s on the pay channels tonight…HBO has Out For A Kill, Showtime is playing a Queer as Folk marathon…what’s this? The Mummy’s Kiss? I liked the first two Mummy movies, let’s give this one a whirl. Hey….SHE’S NAKED! WHOA!
The Art of War
Wesley Snipes as Neil Shaw
Anne Archer as Eleanor Hooks
Maury Chaykin as Capella
Marie Matiko as Julia Fang
Michael Biehn as Robert Bly
Donald Sutherland as U.N. Secretary General Douglas Thomas
“Uniting valor as one is the way of command
When I first heard they were adapting Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, I was all “How are they gonna pull that off?” then it turned out that it was just a random action film. Random, except for Wesley Snipes! As Mr. Snipes has said before: “Always bet on black.”
Riding the wave of King Kong Klones (KKK? That ain’t good…), Nabonga succeeds in having the most ridiculous name of the bunch. Buster Crabbe of Tarzan and Flash Gordon fame returns to fight Ming the Merciless in the heat of the jungle for the future of Earth….wait? No Ming? No Rocket Ships? No fun. Stock footage and random gorilla attacks are a poor substitute. The lone bright spot for this movie is the character of Tobo, and he suffers from being a walking, talking, African tribalman stereotype. Still, he’s the only character you will care about in this film. The live action gorilla Nabonga can’t hold a candle to the stop motion magic that was King Kong. Heck, background extras from Planet of the Apes have better characterization than this gorilla. Wait a minute…Statue of Liberty? THAT WAS OUR PLANET!! You Maniacs! You blew it all up! Damn you! Damn you all to Hell!!
Asian horror grows ever popular, and it’s coming from all fronts, Japan, China, and South Korea (with some Thai thrown in for good measure.) The movies Ringu and Ju-on have helped forefront and onslaught of ghost films, many of them featuring creepy schoolgirls with long hair covering their face. I bring that up because you wouldn’t guess what the ghost here looks like….yep, gave it away. So what sets this film apart from the rest of the clones? What? Kim Ha-neul from Too Beautiful to Lie! Nam Sang-mi from Spygirl and Too Beautiful to Lie! Shin Yi from Sex is Zero! It’s a convention-fest-o-rama of cute Korean girls who’ve showed up here before! That’s almost enough to forgive the ghost rehash.