Dinosaurus!
Dinosaurus!
1960
Starring
Ward Ramsey as Bart Thompson
Kristina Hanson as Betty Piper
Alan Roberts as Julio
Fred Engelberg as Mike Hacker
This relict from the 1950′s type of cinema bursts into the swinging sixties trying the same formula that had worked for 15 years. Unfortunately for them it fails to work. At all. Ward Ramsey is a third rate Peter Graves wanna be. In fact, according to rumor this was supposed to be a Steve McQueen role. Yeah, sure. Bullitt vs. Dinosaurs, that would be entertaining, but the director here couldn’t pull off a paint by numbers picture. Neither could the special effects department, the effects are particularly bad on this film considering the age. If you aren’t Ray Harryhausen don’t even try to pretend you can do his skills. The film tries to cover the cheap effect with terrible comic relief insulting the only interesting character (the caveman) and factors in an annoying island kid, a lazy black guy, a drunk Irishman, a woman who faints underwater, and The White Man saving the day thanks to White Man technology. Yeesh. I will repeat that the kid was annoying as he is terrible. Imagine any of the Kens from the Gamera movies, make him Mexican and named Julio, and you get this kid.
Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: 1960s SciFi, Alan Roberts, Annoying Kenny kid, Brontosaurus, cavemen, Dinosaurs, Fred Engelberg, frozen in ice, Kristina Hanson, stop-motion, Tyrannosaurus, Ward Ramsey
Super Ninjas
Super Ninjas
aka Wu dun ren shu aka Chinese Super Ninjas aka Five Element Ninjas
1982
Starring
Ricky Cheng Tien-Chi as Shao Tien-hao
Lo Meng as Ji Shang
??? as Lead Ninja
??? as Yen Chang
Chen Hei Psi as Mr. Kang
A Shaw Brothers film. Quality Kung Fu, and Ninjas, too! Half the names I got I can’t find in cast lists, so we’ll just have to wing it for some of them.
After an announcement about the authenticity of the Japanese weapons used in this film, the story begins. Two groups are vying for control of the Kung Fu world. Mr. Kang controls the group that is challenging for the position, they are dressed in darker colors and are the bad guys. The group in charge is led by Yen Chang, and the group is all dressed in white outfits. Shao Tien-hao is a young member of the white team, he will be important later so we mention him here. There is a whole slew of names given for the tournament fighters on both sides, most of which I didn’t catch. There are ten rounds to be fought, one at a time. White team guy with a bo staff beats a Dark Team guy with two sawblade looking weapons for round one. Round two is won by a White team member named Mu Fin (Muffin?) who has daggers. More and more rounds are fought, with the White team winning each time. The final round is ready to be fought, and Mr. Kang has a surprise: a Japanese Samurai is brought out to represent his side. Yen Chang sends one of his men to fight him, a guy wielding an axe, and also wielding a noodly dubbed voice. Axe Guy loses, and is taunted by the Samurai “Lose of a fight equals loss of one’s life for a samurai!” Axe Guy kill himself. Now a new challenger for the Samurai, a guy named Ji Shang. Ji Shang will fight against the Katana wielding samurai with just his bare hands. Ji Shang is a much better fighter than Axe Guy, and even eventually takes Samurai’s sword. They pause, as Ji Shang has won. Samurai gets a different sword, which he will use for seppuku. Samurai gives Mr. Kang a letter with the name of a ninja on it, and throws a ring at Yen Chang that will be used to identify the ninja when he arrives. Then Samurai dies.
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Categories: Bad, Movies Tags: Chang Cheh, Chen Pei-Hsi, Lo Meng, Lung Tien-Hsiang, martial arts, Michael Chan Wai-Man, ninjas, Ricky Cheng Tien-Chi, Shaw Brothers
The Exterminator
The Exterminator
1980
Starring
Robert Ginty as John Eastland
Christopher George as Detective James Dalton
Tony DiBenedetto as Chicken Pimp
Steve James as Michael Jefferson
Finally, a movie about what happens when cyborgs retire from their jobs of going back in time and killing unborn resistance leaders, moving down to Florida and hitching up their pants to their armpits. Huh? The movie is a Punisher rip-off? Damn it! Foiled again! Well, this is at least better than the first Punisher movie, and it was so popular despite being direct to video it managed a sequel!
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Categories: Bad, Movies Tags: Christopher George, DTV, flamethrower, Ghetto Ghouls, Robert Ginty, Steve James, Tony DiBenedetto
.com for Murder
.com for Murder
2002
Starring
Nastassja Kinski as Sondra Brummel
Nicolette Sheridan as Misty Brummel
Roger Daltrey as Ben
Huey Lewis as Matheson
Jeffery Dean as Werther
Directed by Nico Mastorakis!
After ten years of being banished to Greece directing TV shows that will thankfully only be seen by Greeks, Nico Mastorakis returns to bring us more horror. Not that this horror is scary in the way intended, but horror as we thought he was gone forever, but now we know we can never be free of Nico Mastorakis. The genius that brought you Glitch! and Ninja Academy returns from a long absence sans Will Egan, but now with someone even more disturbing, Jeffery Dean. Funny-but-sad disturbing? Nope, replace that with creepy stalkish emoish forgot-to-take-his-pills disturbing.
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Categories: Movies, Ugly Tags: Huey Lewis, Jeffery Dean, Nastassja Kinski, Nico Mastorakis, Nicolette Sheridan, Rear Window, Roger Daltrey, The Internet will kill you
At The Circus
At The Circus
1939
Starring
Groucho Marx as J. Cheever Loophole
Chico Marx as Antonio Pirelli
Harpo Marx as Punchy
Kenny Baker as Jeff Wilson
Florence Rice as Julie Randall
Margaret Dumont as Mrs. Susan Dukesbury
Another Marx Brother’s film! This one has Our Boys involved in Hot Circus Action, gorillas gone wild, ceiling walking, quotes galore, cannons, quips, gags, and lots of fun. A welcome change from the parade of Turkish Monstrosities.
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Categories: Good, Movies Tags: Chico Marx, circus fun, Florence Rice, Groucho Marx, Harpo Marx, Kenny Baker, Margaret Dumont, Marx Brothers
