Wild Child 2 (Review)
Wild Child 2
|Julia Skiru (aka Julia Kruis) as Jamie|
|Stephanie Champlin as Lynn|
|Cherilyn Shea as Dagny|
|Darren Foreman as Micheal|
|Marshall Hilliard as Robert|
|Aline Kassman as Tracy|
A genre of films that males are intimately familiar with is the late-night Cinemax (Skinimax) or Showtime movie. Plots are inconsequencial as the point of the movies are to have the actresses that star get naked as often as possible without the movie drifting into the porn zone. Acting skills are not required, beyond the ability to thrash around. In this vein, Silk n Sabotage was born. This is a film I remember watching when I was in high school on cable, and now it’s released on DVD, with a brand new title (Wild Child 2? I never even saw the FIRST Wild Child. Not that this film is related at all…) This film has the hallmarks of this genre: fake breasted blondes, full frontal nudity, goofy dispensable male characters, “boing” style sound effects, terrible 90’s rock, plots that could fit on a fortune cookie message, acting so wooden Geppetto carved it late one night, more padding than all the bras at a Junior High dance combined, and budgets of $37.
Silk n Sabotage starts out like any other of these movies, with shower scenes, intermixed with a woman changing clothing. Two guys drive up to the house the women are in and exit their van. They wear pantyhose on their heads and sneak up to the windows to peek in. Hottie Cherilyn Shea (playing Dagney) counts money on her bet while computer nerd girl Jamie finishes some work. The Peeping Toms see blonde girl Lynn taking it off. Lynn and Cherilyn notice the guys, and get scared at first, but then the guys appear de-pantyhosed with pizza and beer. They are the boyfriends of Cherilyn and Lynn, and get invited in. Now we got boy+girl so that equals sex. It’s a sleepless night for Jamie as Cherilyn’s bedpost keeps banging against her wall, and Jaime cannot sleep in the living room because that is where Lynn is busy banging her boyfriend. Lynn’s boyfriend comes complete with mullet, which fits her brainless blonde personality perfectly. So far the best thing this movie has going for it is Cherilyn Shea, which will be the only thing going for it, so we will bring her up alot. Lynn has breasts that are so fake you can see the “Made in Taiwan” label on the side, but she makes up for it with the full frontal shots.
Now it’s time for some plot. Cherilyn sells lingerie, and Lynn is one of her models. Jamie was also a model but doesn’t like doing it anymore. Cherilyn lets us in on some of the plot, Jamie is getting an appoinment with some money guy for the computer games she is developing in her room, then they set up for the lingerie party, which is like a tupperware party except it’s lingerie. In addition, it pads the movie with many minutes of women in skimpy clothes. Not that that’s a bad thing, except Cherilyn won’t be one of the models in skimpy clothes. “BOOO!” to you, scriptwriter!
Jamie returns from her friends date with the boring Robert, our nice guy character who set her up with the money guy, and also likes Jamie, though she doesn’t feel for him like that. Inside, Jamie does some lame moralizing about the women buying the lingerie, tough words coming from someone who just blew off a nice guy. Jamie fights with Cherilyn over noise the women are causing, showing off both of their acting chops. These chops ain’t that good. Cherilyn is slightly better, but both of them won’t be winning Oscars anytime ever. They should stick to being naked.
The girls are in money trouble, Cherilyn wants to quit the lingerie parties gig and set up a real lingerie store with her own designs. The boyfriends return but are blown off. Well, for a few hours, then they get invited in again through the windows. More sex padding, and mor bedpost slamming, as Jamie once again has a sleepless night. Next morning, Jamie goes to see Mike, the money man. First she must deal with his secretary and her rudeness, including sharpening her pencils (the HORROR!!!) Jamie tells Mike about her work, while at home Lynn fantasizes about becoming a model. She definately has the fake breasts and empty head for it.
Jamie arrives home in a daze, daydreaming about Mike taking her sailing. She tells Cherilyn about Mike and wanting to jump his bones. Cherilyn is ticked that Jamie is jerking Robert around, making her character the best thing to come out of this movie, one that doesn’t put up with the female jerk around. Go Cherilyn Shea! Mike also turns out to be evil, as the movie cuts to him next scene, showing he doesn’t own the boat he is going to take Jamie out on. He tops that be telling his secretary he’s going to steal Jamie’s software, then he and his secretary make the beast with two backs. Good choice there, Jamie, you are an inspiration to us all!
More padding as the girls head to the beach in bikinis and bounce around for a while playing in the sun, surf, and sand. Not that I’m complaining. After a great deal of frolicking, they make way to head back. A van arrives in the parking lot above the beach, the van containing Cherilyn and Lynn’s goofy boyfriends. The two are immediatly set upon by two annoying women in the parking lot, including the incredibly irritating redhead who’s shrill voice and whineyness make her an instant selection for “Kill on Sight.” The guys spot the three girls and realize that if they see them with the leech women they will get in trouble, so they try to hide, but the terrible redhead follows Cherilyn’s guy into his van and procedes to try to molest him to death, despite his protests. Unfortunately for him, he is caught, complete with whiney woman screeching “He’s MINE!” Lynn’s boyfriend is nowhere to be found, unfair, but he’s in trouble anyway later, though instead of showing him getting caught we get five more minutes of Lynn fantasizing about being a model, complete iwth more naked and lingerie shots, which fulfills it’s purpose, adding five minutes to the movie.
Jamie dreams of boning Mike but a masked woman keeps interrupting her, the masked woman being the secretary Tracy. Jamie tells of her dream to Cherilyn and Lynn the next day. Cherilyn and Lynn are heading to Santa Barbara for the weekend to get away from the guys, though this sounds suspiciously like an attempt to get away with not paying the actresses for an extra day’s work. In any event, having no money and going on vacation is always a sound financial decision. Cherilyn at least is determined to quit the lingerie parties for good and get into fashion design, as that is what she has her degree in. Good guy Robert has even got her a job at his plant watering business until she gets back on her feet. Good Ol’ Robert. Wait, people pay people to water their plants…I’m in the wrong racket here! Too bad for Robert he’s a nice guy, as he is about to be screwed over (actually Jamie is going to be getting screwed over, both literally and figuratively by Mike!)
That will be happening….Now! Or later. First we need some more padding, so after Mike takes off the boat’s “For Sale” sign (Please call 555-BOAT if interested) we get five minutes of boating shots set to generic early ninties pop song #423944. Back at Jamie’s, she shows him the computer games while she goes to make hamburgers. Or beat hamburger meat around for a while, I don’t think this actress has ever been in a kitchen. But that gives Mike the time he needs to steal the video games. Then after dinner and topless swimming, they do the deed. The other girl’s boyfriends arrive in time to pick over the leftovers and peep in on Jamie. After the sex, they rate it Siskel and Ebert style.
Next morning Mike has run back to the boat and is busy dictating to his secretary, if you catch my drift. Jamie wakes up alone, and finds the two boyfriends homoerotically asleep on Cherilyn’s bed. She agrees to talk to the other girls for them. Later she goes back to the boat to get her perscription sunglasses she left there, and witnesses some Mike/Tracy action. Tracy has the best body in this movie, plus she’s evil, and that makes her a contender for hottest babe in this movie, too bad for her she loses out to Cherilyn Shea. Jamie is so depressed about the being used (and probably by not being rated too high by me) that she goes home to shower. And shower. And shower. And shower. Too bad you can never truly cleanse your soul, Jamie, the stain will ALWAYS be there! ALWAYS!
Hm-hmm. Back to the movie. Jamie finds out her programs are stolen to boot. Because Jamie never made a backup, the floppies being taken ruins her. Mike is an idiot for not copying them, either, and instead just taking them thus telling her immediatly that they are stolen. So Jamie is depressed. It’s neat to see an older movie tackle the problems of depression in women before it became a widely recognized phenomenon. That doesn’t happen here, as instead of a tale dealing with medication prescription, Prozac ODing, and emotional hardships, we get Jamie given a job by Good Guy Robert (who doesn’t learn) and concerned friends discussing the issue beneath voiceovers. Depression is also cured magically by delivering plants to the office where someone who stole your computer games is working now so you’ve located where he ran off to. Our heros develop a cunning plan to deal with the problem.
The plan involves Lynn meeting with Mike and getting him out of the office so Jamie and Robert can search for the floppies. If Mike knew anything in the universe about computers, he would already have copies of the floppies, but he knows nothing, so this plan is doomed to succeed. After Mike is lured out of the office by the fake-breasted bait, and Tracy the secretary has gone to lunch, Jamie and Robert are left inside, as Mike doesn’t want to wait for Robert to finish delivering plants and tells him to lock up the office when complete. How idiotic do you have to be to…. Anyway, Jamie and RObert become unsuccessful in locating the floppies, except they cannot get into a locked cabinet. While Robert is breaking it open, Tracy returns and sees them inside. She phones Mike who cuts his seduction date short and scampers back. Jamie and Robert are warned by Cherilyn via phone he is on his way, but won’t leave until they get the floppies. They succeed, but Mike returns at that moment, and the confrontation is on. Yelling flies fast and furious until the cops arrive, Jamie having called them to arrest Mike. But Jamie and Robert are arrested instead and led out. We see the cops are….The Boyfriends! It’s an elaborate ruse on the scale of The Usual Suspects as they make their getaway with floppies in tow, as they were taken as evidence. Once Mike and Tracy realize what is going on, it’s too late, as the FBI has arrived with a Nun to take down Mike, he having scammed the Nun before the movie started. Tracy manages to get away clean.
Back at the house of babes, it’s BBQ time and a party is on. Jamie and Robert sneak away for a sex session to lengthen the movie some more. Finally, a nice guy gets the girl. Too bad the girl is a constantly complaining, non file backing up, wooden acting harlot, but whatever, man.
ONE YEAR LATER: Jamie has sold her software and now has a sweet VP job and an office. Robert sold his plant watering business and now owns an exotic plant nursury. Cherilyn is a famous designer and Lynn is her famous model. The boyfriends became police officers after the ruse inspiration. At the end, Jamie reveals she and Robert are married, and she’s knocked up.
The End! Hey, the credits still have the old name for this! FOUL!!
This movie needed more Cherilyn Shea. She was the glue that held this picture together. I said that 11 years ago when I watched this movie named Silk n’ Sabotage as a teenager on Cinemax, and I say it now 11 years later as the DVD bought for $4 titled Wild Child 2 collects dust on my shelf, and I’ll continue to say it 11 years into the future, when the world has turned into a police state run by apes evolved from men, and this movie has been renamed Hairy Apes and Cherilyn Shea Dance Party 6!
Rated 4/10 (peepers, pencils, babe, and bedpost!)
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